wHaT’s A DaTe? – Cause Y’all Clearly Have No Clue...
I realize that we’ve reached a point in our walk as millennials where far too many lines are beginning to blur in the love/relationships department, so I'd like to offer my services.
We can’t tell flirting apart from a kind gesture, distinguish a platonic friend from a lover, or decipher a Netflix and Chill appointment from an actual date.
For the sake of time, we’re here to discuss the latter, because y’all clearly don’t know what y’all doing.I’ve been on a lot of dates and I mean a lot. Some were treated as an elaborate gesture to express one’s interest in me, others were poorly planned trainwrecks that would make even the hopeless-est of romantics that more hopeless.
You see, dates are like job interviews: the more you go on, the better you get.
It all started when you submitted your application via Tinder or by approaching a charming stranger shopping for toilet paper at Target to express your initial interest. Hours or even days later, you received a callback because judging from what you’ve presented on paper or texts, you’ve displayed qualities that suggest you may be a top candidate. Because of this, the recruiter - your crush - would like to bring you in for further inquisition.
Now, it’s showtime.
The day and location to meet has been agreed on, you’ve assembled your best fit to impress your suitor, and practiced your best lines. The evening consists of a flowing exchange of questions that allow both parties to judge if the other is the best fit for the job they’re looking to fill, but are you that somebody?
Only time will tell.
But before you get in the hot seat, here’s a quick guide to what a date IS and IS NOT:
A DATE IS SCHEDULED.
When you are in the early stages (DATES 1 - 2) of seeking out a potential partner, spontaneity is not welcomed. You wouldn’t just roll up on a stranger and tell them that get in your car because you want to take them out for a drink: that’s called kidnapping. You should treat dates with the same consideration and intention. There’s nothing worse than feeling like someone’s Plan B. Like you had nothing else to do on your Saturday night or that things fell through with your Plan A, Jasmine, so now you’re reaching out to Jessica. How would that make you feel? Ask her/him what their schedule looks like for the week, when she/he’s available, and plan accordingly.
A DATE MAY START WITH A TEXT, BUT SHOULDN’T END THERE.
Have we forgotten the main function of a cellular device? To make calls! Yes, text her when it comes to settling on the fine details, but on the days leading up to the date, PICK UP THE PHONE! Treat it as a courtesy call for the following: to confirm or reschedule. Let them know you’re excited to see them later or to confirm that you all are still on as planned. Did something come up unexpectedly? Experiencing cold feet or a change of heart? Have the decency to give that person a clear heads up, we understand that life happens, but don’t go ghost and have people thinking you got hit by a bus or vanished into oblivion.
A DATE IS NOT A DICK APPOINTMENT.
Let’s be real about it, y'all. Some of you guys aren’t being real about your intentions and some of you ladies aren’t being honest about your... “needs.” What can you learn about somebody between the sheets that you couldn’t have already peeped from dinner? I’ll help you out a bit: not a dang thing. These events, both fulfilling in their own right, are not compliments to the other. If you only want to have sex, say that from the jump! Don’t allude to it with less than subtle hints or get her full off pasta to where The Itis clouds her judgement. Or vice versa. Be clear about your intentions beforehand, both of you! If you want the D, say that. If she just wants dinner, respect that.
A DATE SHOULD BE IN A PUBLIC VICINITY.
Sis, stop agreeing to “dates” on his coach. That was cute when you y’all were broke college freshmen, but you’re grown now. Know your worth. If he doesn’t have the wherewithal to plan and cough up some change to see that you all have an enjoyable experience together, leave him on Read. I’m not saying he has to take you to Wolfgang Puck on the first date, but pick a park, wine and cheese tasting, Starbucks, heck, even the public library, as long as it's anywhere but his bedroom. A man that only wants to keep you indoors is either ashamed to be seen with you in public or is married. In either case: RUN.