Death to #RelationshipGoals
One of my favorite pastimes is torturing myself with images from the #WeMetOnTwitter hashtag. You know, those stories about how people used social media to “shoot their shot” at the perfect stranger. Then, through a series well-crafted DM’s and exchanging numbers, the two individuals find themselves madly in love, married, with a baby on the way and lived happily ever after.
Okay, not really.... but kind of...
There’s something gnarly about seeing other people find love while you watch, helplessly, from the privacy of your phone screen. You’re like, “Gosh, I’ve been liking this dude’s tweets for a full month now, why hasn’t he shot his shot yet?!” Or you’re like, “Ugh, these couples are so cute together. Lord, where’s my man? #RelationshipGoals #TrueLoveDoesExsist #WaitingOnMyKing #WhereHeAtTho #GetAHusband2018…” and so on and so forth. Now, speaking for myself, I may admire these cyber relationships from a distance but I don’t exalt any of them as something to aspire to. They are not my goals. They are not real to me. They are merely characters from an alternate-dystopian reality, only to be brought up when asked about the last cool thing I saw on the internet.
In fact, I would go as far to say that I have no “relationship goals.” Name any of your favorite “Power Couples”: Will and Jada, Jay and Beyoncé, Gabby and Dwyane, Ren and Stimpy, and you won’t amuse me.
And if I couldn’t feel more strongly about this than I already do, I’ve only been reassured after the announcement of rapper Nipsey Hussle and actress Lauren London’s split.
Bare-minimum, stay-low-and-build Twitter was in complete shambles after Nipsey took to Twitter to inform the general public of the separation between him and his longtime girlfriend. The two enjoyed a seemingly low-key life together for the past 4 years. They started a tech business together, opened a clothing store and share a one-year-old son together.
They moved differently from all the other couples we see plaster over our timelines. They made appearances together, but all those lovey-dovey, sometimes sickening post with two lovers slow dancing while gazing into each other’s eyes, was never them. The most they’d give us is a selfie from Lauren and a shot of Nipsey in the studio.
And I guess that’s what added to their allure, their effortless mystery. That longing to know more in this over-sharing culture but never getting it.
They left something to the imagination and in a way, we hate that.You see, I’ve learned not to project my desires for love on people in committed relationships. Idolization can get you killed. Relationships are hard as it is for there to be the added pressure of having a glamorized union.
When we place celebrities and the regular-degular folks from social media on a pedestal, it doesn’t leave them room to make mistakes or to come up short. Heck, I wouldn’t wish that type of pressure on my worst ex.
It can also create the false notion of perfection in order to keep their followers happy, but newsflash: They are not in a relationship with us.
Love is work and that's not always shareable.
Truth is, we don’t know who these people are or what they do behind closed doors.
We only get to see the shining PR package that’s gifted to us by their publicists. They could be liars, cheaters, emotionally manipulative or physically abusive. The wife could be putting on a smile for the Gram, but may cry herself to sleep at night because she knows her man is out doing God knows what with God knows who.
I mean, just look at what’s transpiring with Big Sean's ex-fiancé and former "Glee" star, Naya Rivera. She was recently charged with domestic battery after her husband told police that she struck him on the head and lip while the two were taking a walk with their one-year-old son. Needless to say, she may be pretty on the outside, but that girl is bat-you-know-what crazy.
That’s why having relationship goals is only beneficial to the parts of our brains that like to be lied to; those neurons that are stimulated from believing the notion that there is such thing as a totally flaw-free, perfect union; even though there isn’t.
Now, before you go thinking that I’m being a Debbie Downer, consider the following:
Yes, two people can be brought together by God to fulfill a purpose on this earth, but that doesn’t mean there won’t be arguments, that they won’t deal with insecurities or have to unpack the baggage from childhood traumas. That doesn’t mean it’s always easy. Love is work and that's not always shareable.
So, here’s what I ask of you: instead of being consumed with social media couples, how about you “stay low and build” your career? How about shift your #relationshipgoals with Jesus? I’m joking but I’m serious.
We should all aspire to be in committed, loving relationships, but remember one thing: people only allow you to see what you want them to see, don’t be blind.
Before you go: Let me know your thoughts on this post in the comments below! What are your thought on the celebrity #relationshipgoals culture? I want to hear!
Peace, peace, peace,